i guess i’m a masochist (A Poem)

Am I in love with pain?

Every time I give one step forward,

I feel forced to take two back,

And then it’s all the same.

I must be insane.

To have it all but still I complain.

I shouldn’t take it for granted, and I don’t,

Yet there is this thing.

Maybe I shouldn’t spend too much time on my own,

Cause then my thoughts take over with the only purpose of bringing me down.

Can I just skip to the part when I’m fully grown,

Just to avoid this whole mess of going round and round?

Even though my life seems great on paper,

If I had a taste, I’d hate the flavor.

I am aware I am the one to blame for.

Fucking tastebuds, they’re the traitors.

Why can’t happiness last long enough?

I feel it for two days and then it slowly decreases until it’s all gone.

So is sadness a part of me?

Should I welcome her with open arms and pretend it’s okay?

Should I hand her over the keys to a room cause I know she will stay either way?
No matter how hard you try, she will make sure to catch up with you at the end of the day.
Even when she’s away, and although she’s not wanted, you know she’s always coming back

I guess I have no say.