A Realization (A Poem)

No one can love the same way I know I can love.
I may seem to be though,
But I can’t ever get enough.
A smile, a hug,
Won’t let the innocent in me be fooled by those.
Just leave me alone,
I didn’t come to play, I don’t want to be taken advantage of.

They don’t understand.
For them it’s a game.
They smile, laugh, cough, go and drink one more,
That all there’s left for me to do is pretend,
If not, I will never get to see what’s in the end.
They could see through my lies,
Or not really since they don’t even bother looking me in the eyes.

I hide behind this shield, the shield I made so I could not feel.
Regardless, it is real.
To be failed to is one of my deepest fears.
This poor girl inside, has a heart of gold, she wouldn’t think twice,
Before giving all her love and trust away.
She’s naturally nice, she’d sacrifice anything and everything she has for you to stay.

I don’t want to be your friend,
So you can cause me pain.
I am certainly aware it’s mental, it’s all in my brain.
You can promise me the world,
Buy me the shiniest pearls,
But even if you had told her,
How much we’re both going to suffer,
I couldn’t take it, even if it makes me tougher.

I keep myself secluded,
I locked this side inside of me so I would never be eluded.
I’d hate for them to say forever then proceed to never come back, and unpack every single thing they were holding back.
A stab, right through my heart.
Being apart is something I never saw coming.
Forget me or not.
But please don’t because if you did,
I would quit every single battle I ever fought.
Like it or not.
But please do because if you didn’t,
I don’t know what I would do, just tell me you didn’t mean it.
Sorry, can’t help aiming for perfection.
Rejection is something I never needed.

So is it as bad as it sounds,
Or is it even worse?
Guide me, tell me how life works.
I’m confused, all hope is lost.
Should I take classes to get better at improv?
I don’t want to play, I don’t want to be taken advantage of.
It wasn't, isn't, won't be good enough.
Truth is no one can love me the same way I know I can love.