It's funny when we catch ourselves in the middle of a situation, doing exactly the opposite of what we thought we wanted. We have all been there, longing for something for days, obsessing over something we believe will give us what we're missing. Both, desperation and anxiety come into play; we become fixated on the idea of getting this thing we've been convincing ourselves we need. Yet when we finally seem to be this close to get it, we back off.
It's uncertain why we do what we do, if we start wrapping our heads around it we will be left with two questions: What happened? What changed?
I've got to say it is most certainly a weird emotion because it only leads you to doubt yourself. We might end up feeling lost, since for a split second we seem to lose control over ourselves and (personally, I think) there's nothing more terrifying than not recognizing ourselves anymore. As a result we become suspicious of our own identity; we adapt, it's just our job to assimilate change and get the hang of it.
I guess it's all part of the process of getting to know ourselves, finding out who we really are, getting in touch with all sides that make us, us and connect with our inner most true selves as we go through changes and overcome different obstacles we find in our way to fulfillment.
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