I started writing this on a day when I couldn’t get him off my head. This is the only way I know to pour out my emotions when I feel almost suffocated by them. The flashes of memories were too real and I didn’t know how to make the movie of his life before me stop playing every time I would close my eyes to blink. Months had passed since it happened, yet the feelings on this day were strong like it all had been very recent.
At times it feels like it happened yesterday,
and I’m transported to that night when it all turned gray,
when some part of me was taken away,
millions and trillions of thoughts going through my head,
yet still nothing to say.
Sometimes it seems like I’m doing it all wrong,
like even though being ripped apart, I should still act strong,
like I should just accept our story is done,
that you’re long gone.
Never to be mine again, never to return.
It’s so weird to me how life works.
How I’m supposed to deal with this never ending pain that comes with a loss?
Am I expected to ignore every single time my mind with you comes across?
Other times it feels just as intense,
and I try to use logic for it to make sense.
Because today was supposed to be special,
I require your presence, for such days it’s vital,
in my head the only way to go through, is denial.
You live in my verses, my memories, my dreams,
you run through me like water, an ever-ending stream.
The tossed coin at the bottom has lost its shine, it seems.
Moments we shared, times well spent,
my wish has decayed,
but I am afraid to believe there is indeed an end.
I’ll pray to whoever,
if it bring us back together,
so I don’t have to face that you'll be missing forever.
